A couple of weeks ago I received a prayer quilt from a women's group at my church. I have neverhad one of those and never even heard of them. The card attached to my hand delivered bundle read " This quilt is a gift from the Daytime Women's Ministry. The knots represent prayers said for you, your comfort, your peace. We love you". I was beyond words, and humbled beyond measure.
To back up some, I have been going through some very challenging health stuff with no relief or even hope for a good outcome. When the quilt was deliverd, via my aunt, I had been in bed for 2 days with a migraine I cant even begin to describe, not to mention the other pain that has been my constant companion. (The headaches are brought on by hormonal imbalances, and at some of the root of my illness). As I looked at this beautiful quilt, I saw all these knots that are sewn and tied into the top side. Those knots all represent prayers said for little ole me. I layed back down with the quilt over me, marveling in just being loved.
Later that night after pain for so long with no relief I cried out to God, cant I just have one day without pain? Just one? Dont I deserve that? I am faithful, and I search your face each day of my life. What am I not doing? Eventually, I gave up my ranting and went back to bed. The quilt went with me and even when I got too hot, that quilt stayed on the side of my bed. Even in the midst of all this I kept thinking about the meaning of this quilt. I thought about all those women who took time to say prayers for me. Can I just tell you, I have that quilt with me like Linus from Peanuts. Each time I am in pain, or have bad news, or I am just so tired and disheartened, I drape the quilt over me. The other night, out of no where, the pain intensified, and the quilt went over my tummy. The pain eased up. Interesting?
What I think is so special about the quilt, is it reminds me that I am loved. It reminds me that prayers are going out for me each day and night. It reminds me I am not alone no matter how I feel.
Mostly it reminds me of God's love and how God uses His children to help others. How God's plan and seeking that, is not always the most direct route or even the easiest route. That during this time, God is still in Heaven and all is right with the world. I will get through this and something good will come of all this suffering.
So, back to what I said about the pain being less when I had the quilt over me. Did the quilt do that? What I honestly think, is when I remember God's love and He has a good plan for me, the pain isnt as bad. I think when there is pain and not an easy end in sight, I can get really scared and fear can amplify pain more than most anything for me.
What may seem like a very simple and thoughtful gift has been so much more to me. Today I was able to go to church for the first time in over a month. I saw the lady that is over that Women's Ministry and she had another prayer quilt they were working on. There were a few knots left to tie and I was like an eager child running for a toy, just to be able to say a prayer and tie a knot for someone else who is suffering. What a gift that was to be a part of that. And what a gift to be at church again, when even a few days ago, I couldnt imagine being up and able to go back to church.
My journey is far from over and I am pretty sure I have gotten direcion from God at least on what action NOT to take, there is still a lot ahead of me. Of course, with God, I could wake up tomorrow with a complete change for the better. What I do know, is I am loved and I think I will continue to be like Linus with my quilt in tow. Maybe he was on to something.
Peace and Blessings,
Heather
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